Hospital Side Effects

The worst thing about going to the hospital (besides the fact that you're sick enough to be in the hospital) is not the runny/shriveled up/bodily-function-inducing food, or even the backless gowns stained with someone else's blood. The worst thing, by far, is the sticky goo left behind on your skin from the industrial strength medical tape they use to hold down pretty much anything that's not naturally growing out of your arm: an IV, excess tubing, various pieces of gauze, cotton balls, and really anything else that might (Heaven forbid) succumb to the force of gravity. The tape itself is bad enough; all thick and itchy. Ripping it off gives you an instant rash, red bumps sprouting up where your arm hair used to be. If it stopped there, it might even be tolerable. Your arm might just heal and regenerate hair with no further problems. Not the case. A thin black residue forming a perfect outline of the tape will stay with you for about 3 more weeks. You can pick at it, but you honestly have a better chance of pulling out more of your already sparse arm hair than picking off the goo. Trying to rub it off only results in red skin (much like a sunburn) and a spreading of the goo to other, previously uneffected areas. The goo must be left alone to run its course. And it will get worse before it gets better. It will gather lint and dust. It will collect dog hair and carpet fuzz. Stray whisps of cotton ball will hang on for a while. It's just a part of you until it decides to leave. And it will, eventually. Just make sure to steer clear of the hospital after it's gone. No one wants a second outbreak of the goo.